hello.. hello..
this is my first blog so I thought let’s talk about what’s going in my life so here we go.
first of all I am not gonna share my name
or where I live or any personal details about me but I m gonna share all the
inside details about my life like whats happening,how I am dealing with it,how I
f*ck up sometimes (all the time TBH),Tips-routines-ways that helped me. Also
about mental health problems and how I am dealing ( not professional ) so lets
start with my relationship with guy I never dated.
RELATIONSHIP WITH GUY I NEVER HAD RELATIONSHIP
So he was my best friend. we were together in school,never really talked to each other,then schools were over so we never met after that. One day his friend request came on ig and then we talk and our friendship started. We became best friend online. first we use talk to each other often but after some time that stopped and I missed it, I missed him . I am not that kind of girl who misses talking to someone I am actually that kind of girl who don’t even notice if someone is not talking.
Thats how I realise i started liking him without meeting him in person. i know that’s weird but I did but he didn’t. I told him that I liked him and it was not the end, it was the beginning of our new friendship. before that our friendship was different.now he use to notice me more, talked with me more often than before. I was happy with this friendship or I have recently heard this word Situationship but suddenly he stopped doing those thing. I deleted my ig before that but he had my whatsapp number. He stopped watching my status and all. Then I was sad and I use to think about him all the F time.
Then I decided I need to stop this and I told him that I am blocking him and I did. After 1 day yaa you guessed it I unblocked
him. I know I am stupid. But I thought about
him that when I told him he was angry and anger means he cared. I thought I am so selfish that I blocked him after all I
am the only close friend he has. So I unblocked him and I told him that I am sorry
and I shouldn’t have done that and all the things I never should have shared not
via chat at least (PRO TIP: don’t say anything when you are overly emotional at
that moment. you will always regret it.trust me)
After I over shared my feeling he was very clear about one thing he is never gonna have time for me and he don’t care about anyone,not even his family( he is a liar he cares about everyone too much.. how I know coz I was his best friend before all this. So why he is saying this he had some really bad experience with relationship in past.how I know u know now.)
So because I know him I wrote long paragraph and at the end I asked just tell me do u want me as your friend or not? He said what do you think and I did stupidity and didn’t answer that and did not even asked him I played dumb but he knew it (why you know right I was his best friend too) and he got irritated and didn’t replied so I send last msg you want to come to my life come,want to follow me then follow our friendship is your choice now if you want come back if you don’t that’s okay too.and that’s not how it ended it didn’t.
it actually never ended. I still have his number,he has mine. We don’t follow each other bcoz he never did. Did he try to came back yes he did but that time I was in moving on phase and I did not let him. Did I tried after that yes I did but then he was in his moving on phase. Then I stopped and I was finally happy with him in my mind I made peace with his memories. But But But just like karma life is also a Bitch.
One
day I was going home and yes I saw him in front of my eyes. Did I met him,
confront him. NO no becoz I am stupid so I ran away from him but I told him I saw
him and there we go he got so angry with me coz I didn’t met him. Coz that was
the first time after ages I saw him and he could have too. He was too angry and
I felt it in my heart that day this is the end. END of our story. After that he
disappeared from everywhere.
Now
he is back but I haven’t seen his pics or stories or status anything. Now he is
not that active on SNS. He shares stuff rearly . what I understand from this
was he was not bad nor was me but we never were on same page. When I wanted him
he was not there, when he wanted I was not there. May be that’s why we never
worked out and never will. so that’s why I am trying to move on from the guy I never
dated.
MOVING ON FROM RELATIONSHIP I NEVER HAD
I
know it does not look that difficult to move on because I haven’t met him from
years, we never called each other just texted but for me it is very difficult. He
is on my mind 24/7 now it feels like
part of me. It does not bother me that much that back of the mind he is always
there. Still trying to get back to normal life. Without him nothing has changed
but it feels like everything has changed. I feel empty from inside coz not only
I lost someone I loved but the only guy best friend I had.i miss our bond. I always
wish that somehow something happen and we get back together. Some magic. But I know
it’s never gonna happen so that’s why I am trying to move on.
LEARNING TO LET GO
So
now I am learning to let things go. I notice a lot of things after our I don’t know
what to call a break up? It felt like that though it wasn’t technically. One of
the thing is I just can’t let go of something I truly love. i just can’t. but
now I am slowly learning to let things go. Now I am not putting lots of efforts
if somethings is not working out after many now try I just let it go. Still learning
but ill share tips in some other blog if something works
NEW JOURNEY
So I am starting my new blog and podcast. Here
as you know I am gonna share self improvement tips,ways and routines which
worked for me and also about my life and all. So hope you will stay with me on
this journey.
That’s it for today I hope you stay tune
with me.. and remember to SPREAD LOVE AND RESPECT EVERYWHERE YOU GO.. BA
BYEEEE!
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